From Hisae, With Love
by Yamigirl21
Summary: Though her time with Asato Tsuzuki was shortlived, those two fleeting weeks with him were both memorable and poignant for Hisae Tojyo. In a series of Diary entries she documents her final days...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness fans! I'm yamigirl21. It's a pleasure to meet all of you! And please allow me to thank you for sampling this story of mine! I really do appreciate it! I have to be honest though, I'm rather new to the fandom of this series…. ; But in the short time that I _have_ known about it, I've already devoured the entire TV series and all of the translated manga:) Though I'm not one to usually write in this manner, (jumping into a project without planning ahead and what not) for whatever reason, I was almost immediately compelled to at least try!

For those who may know me or are familiar with my previous work, I'm also a big fan of Yu-Gi-Oh (as well as the pairing of Anzu and Yami Yugi, which I'm sure has a lot to do with my writing this; in terms of concept anyhow….For more information please visit me at: yamigirl21 dot deviantart dot com ). On that note, I have to say that my first attraction to the Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness series originated from the fact that the voice actor who played Yami Yugi/Atemu also voiced the character of Asato Tsuzuki. It was that _one_ aspect that lured me in…. I suppose it was all down hill from there! Though I am passionate about _many_ elements within this exciting series, I have to admit that I am particularly captivated by the character of Tsuzuki! Ah! What a rich, fascinating, multi-dimensional character he is! And I have to say, that for an anime guy I think that he's pretty hot too!

As I was saying though, when I read the second manga especially, I fell in love with the short story regarding Tsuzuki's time with the young female dancer named Hisae Tojyo. I found it to be such a beautiful, moving story; one that I simply _had_ to know more about! The interaction between Tsuzuki and Hisae was just adorable! I thought that they made such a lovely couple too! So I decided to try to expand on it personally; for fun if nothing else.

As a result, I've taken the story of "The Last Waltz" as it was titled in the manga and I attempted to give it that depth. To do this, I've written this "fan-fiction" as a sort of diary entry that Hisae Tojyo herself is writing; one which conveys everything that she thinks, feels and experiences during the time that she spent with Tsuzuki, perhaps even events that did not appear in the manga (he did live with her for two weeks after all:P ) Though I'll admit that I'm rather uncertain about the direction that I wish to take this piece, I thought that it might be interesting to see how it unfolds:)

As for the relationship issue, I wanted to say that I am very _very_ much aware of the fact that many of the men of Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness have close intimate bonds with each other; perhaps some are of the romantic nature! Though I can honesty say that I have no desire to undermine those relationships, I personally like to believe that at least some of them are open to interpretation. Regarding Tsuzuki in particular, though I know that it's especially likely that he may have a relationship with the young boy named Hisoka, there is also quite a bit of evidence that supports that he is interested in women as well. It is made rather apparent not only in the story of "The Last Waltz," but in many other volumes of the manga. That is the angle that I have chosen to focus on anyhow. So please everyone. Please allow me to utilize that concept without complaint. ;

WARNING: Though I would _greatly_ appreciate any comments that you wish to leave for my story, I also ask that you _please_ refrain from speaking against this work, simply because it does not follow through with the potential shonen-ai/yaoi elements of the series. However you wish to interpret Tsuzuki's relationship with Hisae, it appears to be quite obvious that he did love her; so much so that even Hisoka could feel it within him. Again this is merely _my_ interpretation of that love. Now, without further ado…..

* * *

Hello Diary, 

Hisae here…. It seems that it's been quite a while since I've written in you, hasn't it? I apologize, old friend….. It wasn't my intention to neglect you as I have these past several weeks, really. And let me assure you that I didn't simply _forget_ to tell you what's been happening in my life lately. No… How could I, Diary? After all, you've been my one trusted companion (other than Will of course) since even _before_ my brother Suo died…. Suo…

But yes, please believe me when I say that I still consider you to be my sanctuary Diary, my comfort zone. This is the place that I could always go to, to collect my thoughts, to try to make some semblance of sense of my endlessly spinning emotions; especially after what happened to- Well, you know Diary…. There's no point in upsetting myself about Suo's accident here when my nightmares or even my every day thoughts _alone_ are enough to do that…..

Anyhow, I'm not here to talk about my guilt, or my regrets, or even to document my real fear (a fear that I'm most likely suppressing, to be honest with you) that I don't have much time left in me….. Instead, I wanted to tell you about a surprising, almost _bizarre_ encounter that I've just had! Wow…. What a whirlwind it was Diary, really…. There's no other way to describe it!

It all started on a rather bleak note though…. For just when I thought that I would be _forced_ to give up my hopes to reopen my family's dance academy, (remind me to tell you what ELSE that conniving little _bitch_ Shiori has done to ruin my life, later!) I met a man who actually claimed to know Suo during the time that he lived in Tokyo! Can you believe it! But it wasn't just _that_ revelation that surprised me, (when I finally gave him the opportunity to tell me that is ;) what I found _really_ shocking was the sound of his _voice_!

Hmm….. It seems that I have no choice but to tell you about my dispute with that insufferable woman, Diary… I think that this account would be a little too disjointed if I didn't…. I have to admit that I'm a bit embarrassed about it now. I could only imagine what I must have looked like, flying off the handle like that! But I was just SO angry! I'm telling you Diary, I just wanted to tear Shiori's hair out at that moment! Argh!

The fit itself or even some of the things that I said are a little fuzzy now, but I distinctly remember throwing at least a few potted plants around as I screamed and cursed at her like a banshee! If that wasn't enough, I even grabbed a broom stick to attack her with! I didn't really consider what I was planning to _do_ with that broom per say, but yeah… I most _likely_ had the intention of beating the shit out of her with it, to put it mildly! Though I never actually went through with it, she seemed pretty intimidated by me at the very least! When I backed her into a corner, she also grabbed one of my plants, (a taller one, with its pot still attached and everything!) as she frantically attempted to stand her ground! It would have been a rather humorous sight to see if I hadn't been as mad as I was! Well, I definitely think that I won _that_ battle of our long string of cat fights! Still, I really thought, for a minute there, that I had lost the war…..

To clarify all of that, the reason we were at odds was because Shiori had _somehow_ managed to lure my dance partner Nitta away from me, RIGHT before the big competition that we had been preparing for! Just two weeks before! How could Nitta do this to me, Diary? He promised that he'd enter that contest with _me_! How could Shiori do this? Hmph! I know _how_ she could, Diary! She most likely used _every_ skanky trick in the book, coupled with a nice fat bribe! I wasn't even shy about calling Shiori on that right to her face, though she of course denied it, claiming that _I_ was the one who was "sick in the head!" Whatever Diary…. I just wish I knew what her problem was! Does she really hate me _that_ much that she's willing to go to such great lengths to take everything away from me! Will she stop at nothing to destroy me, to _sabotage_ me! What did I ever do to her to deserve _this_! I just don't get it! Ok…. I _really_ need to calm down…. I'm getting all worked up again, just writing this!

But yeah, looking back at myself at that moment, I'm rather surprised that I was so _physical_ about it…. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I still had it in me…. I mean, even my nightly practice and exercises are getting harder and harder for me to take…. I thought that I could handle it, that I was strong enough but-

I know that promised you that I wouldn't complain again, Diary, and I see that I'm getting side-tracked from what I was originally writing about, but I have to tell you, I am scared…. No, I'm _terrified_….. I can just feel the control slipping away from me…. It's as if my own body is turning against me, protesting loudly with sharp pains, cramping muscles…. I've even sickened myself when I've seen the amount of blood that I've vomited. And having to clean up after myself….all of those dark stains, the puddles on the studio floor…..

But what can I tell you diary…. I suppose that I'll just have to bear it, if I can. There's no one left to tell me otherwise anyway…. No one that really cares I mean…. Though, I can say that if was possible for a dog to make a decision for a person, I think Will would have _surely_ forced me back to the hospital for treatment! Oh Will….

I know it sounds crazy, Diary, but sometimes I think that he really does worry about me and my health. He's a bit of a wanderer, it's true, but I often wonder if leaves home because he doesn't want to see me pushing myself like I have been…. I mean, I can't think of any other reason why he would, especially since he _is_ there when I need him. Somehow he just _knows_ when to be….. Wow… It really is strange… It's almost as if he's watching over me, caring for me in Suo's place; like a little piece of Suo lives within him, you know? He seems to care so much that at times I even feel a little guilty about what I've been doing….. I try not to let it get to me but I've noticed that even Will's been finding the blood stains that I've been leaving behind…. He just stands over them, looking up at me; giving me the most _pitiful_ stare…. God….

But no, _no_! I won't even let those sad puppy dog eyes get the best of me! I don't _care_ if my insides are aching, burning… It wouldn't even matter if I was being plagued by every terminal illness in recorded history! Nothing and _no one_ is going to stop me from finishing what I've started! Not Shiori, not Nitta, not even Will! I'm serious, Diary! I'll even go as far as to say that if the Grim Reaper himself showed up at my door, I'd slam the door right in his face! I'm telling you….. I won't be taken without a fight….! I simply refuse! Watch me! I'm going to do it! No matter what it takes… On that note, Diary, let me _finally_ tell you about Suo's friend from Tokyo; the mysterious Mr. Asato Tsuzuki….

Where to begin…. Well…. I guess I should start with how I happened to come across this man. But then, I suppose it's more accurate to say that he came looking for me first! Yeah, apparently either Shiori or Nitta had left the front door open when they came to tell me their "news" and this man, Tsuzuki, had decided to let himself in. From what I understand, he had been trying to get my attention during my little brawl (I found out later that he had even managed to get caught in the crossfire of it all too! ;) but it wasn't until those two back stabbers were actually leaving that Suo's friend ultimately addressed me.

I remember that I was facing away from Mr. Tsuzuki then….. (Yeah, I was going to make _sure_ that Shiori and Nitta were getting the hell out, Diary!) Though I was still focused on them when he spoke, when I _did_ finally allow myself to hear his words (his mention of my first name in particular) I swear that I felt like I had been hit by a truck! That voice sounded _so_ much like- God! I could just _feel_ my eyes widening….! As impossible as it seemed, I turned _instantly_, fully expecting to see- But no….. though it took me a moment to process it, to differentiate two voices that sounded _remarkably_ alike, I soon realized that it wasn't Suo that I faced but someone else altogether….

I know. I know…. Much like everything else that I've written, it _does_ sound crazy! But if you could have only _heard_ him…..! Why, Diary? Why do I keep torturing myself like this? Even I don't understand it! How _I_ must sound! But even so, I can't help the way I feel…. I'd never admit this to anyone else, but the truth is, sometimes I wonder if I AM being haunted my Suo…… Just like Shiori says….

Getting back to what I was saying though, I think I scared that poor man half to death with my assumptions! He certainly _looked_ surprised! I don't know why I would say such a thing (maybe I was embarrassed or maybe I was still pissed off at Shiori and Nitta) but I actually asked him if he was a salesman of some sort! Yeah…. I didn't even give him a chance to tell me otherwise! I was pretty short with my "I'm not buying" remark too. I guess I was pretty rude to him….

When I was finally able to get a hold of myself, I treated Mr. Tsuzuki to a cup of tea. I suppose I hoped that by doing so, I'd be able to make up for my bad first impression; at least in some small way, you know? I like to think that it did the trick too, given his joyful, almost goofy expression over it:) It was then that he finally told me _himself_ that he was an acquaintance of my older brother. Though I don't usually feel too comfortable with strangers, I felt at ease enough to talk openly to Mr. Tsuzuki. I even _admitted_ that I had mistaken him for Suo, which was followed by my rather sheepish apology… For whatever reason, I really did appreciate that he was gracious enough to accept it…..

Heh, you know, I'm starting to wonder if I was a little _too_ straight forward with Mr. Tsuzuki, Diary… For starters, I remember ranting on and on about Shiori and Nitta when he asked me about the little scene that he had witnessed. I think I even startled him with some of my particularly colorful language (Not that Shiori _isn't_ a bitch, mind you!). But it was when he was looking a bit sympathetic over my dilemma (concerning the competition and all) that I was _really_ direct with him; so direct that I got right up in his face, grabbed him by his tie, and asked him to be my _new_ dance partner!

Really, Diary! I even surprised myself with _that_ one! But I just had to go for it! With a little luck, I think that we might be able to pull it off! I had been studying Mr. Tsuzuki as we talked…. Like I thought then, he definitely has the ideal height (he's taller than Nitta actually!). I noticed that right away! And though he is thin, he does seem to be pretty developed; good arms, good legs, strong looking back and shoulders… Somehow I'd even guessed that he'd be pretty agile! Don't ask me how I knew, Diary. I just had a feeling, I guess….

In addition to all of that, he's got the looks too….. Tall, dark, handsome….. I think he mentioned that he was in his mid 20s or so, yet he _does_ seem to have this boyish air to him…. It's kind of…cute actually…. Hmm… Not that I _care_ about any of that, Diary! I just mean that he'll look good at my side during the competition! It's strictly business! Nothing more than that! I mean beggars really _can't_ be choosey right!

Seriously though…. All kidding aside, Diary, I'm really _really_ not looking for anything else but a partner that will see me through this event. Nitta, Mr. Tsuzuki, it makes no difference to me in the end….though I _do_ hope that Mr. Tsuzuki will show a bit more commitment to all of this than that bastard did….! But yeah, though it may be a little crude, the way I see it, Mr. Tsuzuki is nothing but a tool…. It's as simple as that. No, I won't _let_ him be anything else! I made a promise to myself….that I wouldn't think of anyone but Suo….. After all that he did for me, how could I not! I owe it to him, Diary…. Suo has to come first! Everything I do, I do for him…..

Even so, don't get me wrong, Diary! I _am_ grateful for Mr. Tsuzuki's help! I mean he did drop everything for this after all! He even agreed to stay here with me; to train in the studio, for two whole weeks! He certainly is nice enough to do something like that…. But then, I really didn't give him much of a choice in the matter! ; I'm just going to come out and say it! I was desperate, ok! There was no way in _hell_ that I was going to let him get away! I think I even threatened to hack him into tiny little pieces if he even _tried_ to refuse me! Maybe not the smoothest move on my part, I'll give you that, but hey, whatever works! Oh yeah…. I definitely think that I put the fear of God into that man….. Well…. If it keeps him in line….

But anyways Diary, though I'm not completely through with my description of the day's events, I think I'm going to leave it at that for now…. I'm…. feeling a bit tired all of a sudden. It's strange… I didn't think it was possible to exhaust yourself just by writing something, but yeah…. I do need to lie down. I'll only rest for a little while though. I will _not_ allow myself to skip tonight's rehearsal! I know I'll feel better once I take my medicine too. But even if I don't, I'll keep at it. I'll just keep my eyes on the prize, so to speak. I can ignore just about everything else if I maintain my focus; the pain, the fatigue, even the _criticism_…..! Hmph! I'd almost forgotten….!

Look! I know that it's going to take some time to teach Mr. Tsuzuki the routine that Nitta and I practiced, I have no problem admitting that, but that doesn't mean that I can't _perfect_ it! That…. That….know-it-all….! Who did he think he was talking to! _I'm_ the one who's been dancing for more than a decade! So _what_ if he knows the basics! He's not _that_ much older than me! He shouldn't be telling me how to do my job! I don't "share the dance," he says! I need to "dance like I _want_ him!" Please!

Sorry Diary, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Well… I'll save that bit for later…. I'll probably have trouble getting back to sleep after this evening's practice anyway, so I'll be sure to finish up then. As always, thank you for listening to me, my dear friend. Until next time, ok?

Love,  
Hisae Tojyo

7:34pm


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Hello again everyone! Yamigirl21 here. Wow! Thanks for coming back to try Entry 2 of my little Fanfic, "From Hisae, With Love." Really, I _do_ appreciate it! Hmm…. It seems that there's not a whole lot for me to say this time around… ;. Just a few things, really…..

Like the last entry, the one below covers the _next_ several pages of the manga, pertaining to Hisae's interactions with Tsuzuki; which also includes her introduction with Hisoka! Furthermore, given that Hisae wasn't developed very fully in the real story of "The Last Waltz," I tried to delve a little deeper into her feelings myself, in hopes of making her more of a 3-dimensional character, so to speak. I also wanted it to be a bit more obvious why Tsuzuki was attracted to her and vice versa. Perhaps in some ways those two aren't so different after all? Or if they are, I like to think that there's an interesting contrast in terms of their personalities. :)

But aside from all that, I also know that Tsuzuki often tends to play the hero, wanting to save and protect rather than hurt and kill (which is one of the qualities that I really liked about him, actually….). Considering how much Hisae is struggling and hurting in her difficult position, I thought (even initially) that it was rather sweet and admirable that Tsuzuki was so determined to help her through it, despite the fact that he was originally instructed to take her from day one. But then, that's a story for a later installment….

Anyhow, it was said that Tsuzuki and Hisae were together for 2 weeks, and yet, the manga was a little ambiguous about the divisions of each individual day, so I decided to make my own interpretations in that respect. In addition, I also attempted to explain certain phrases and expressions that the characters exhibited. Though it would be helpful to reference the pages that I describe for more detail, it is my hope that what I've written is self-explanatory as is.

Lastly, for those of you that may not be particularly interested in this "Diary" like format that I have chosen for this fan fiction, let me assure you that I DO plan on including actual spoken dialogue; as soon as the next chapter actually! As a whole, I feel that these first few chapters have been more of a set up, a way to _truly_ introduce the character of Hisae! Though I do plan to continue this story in a similar fashion, (in the manner of 1st person) I also intend on writing about various insightful and romantic scenes regarding Tsuzuki and Hisae; some that I hope will make their relationship a bit more significant, despite the fleeting nature of it all... So hang in there everyone! I'll try my absolute best not to let anyone down, but please, if you do have any comments, questions or constructive critiques, do be sure to let me know, ok? Thanks:) Here goes nothing….!

* * *

Hey there Diary,

It's me again. I came back! Just as I said I would. It's pretty late though….. It's already… (Wow!) a quarter to 2 in the morning! Crazy…. Even so, I'm feeling a bit restless at the moment. It's strange…. How did I know that that was going to happen? Didn't I tell you, Diary? Well, I guess it's not TOO surprising after that _grueling_ rehearsal, for one thing…. Oh, don't worry… I won't even get into any of that! Knowing me, I'd only end up frustrating or depressing myself with how _hard_ it keeps getting…. There I go…. It's happening already, isn't it? Seriously though… It's just not fair….

Before I continue, let me just say this _clearly_, ok? Yes. I know. I KNOW what I've been putting myself through, Diary! I am fully aware of the fact that, yeah, I HAVE been working myself into the ground! I'll even admit that that's probably true in the literal sense; as morbid as that may sound! I mean it's not like I haven't heard it all _before_! Doctors! Colleagues! Various…._people_ today who will remain nameless! It's like an irritating, mind-numbing _damned_ broken record; one that I wish that I could just smash against the wall already! But you know what? I don't care! I just _don't_ care! Despite everything and anything, I'm _still_ going to do this! I _am_ going to dance in that competition and I AM going to win! I'll keep saying that over and over if I have to! Even if it means that I'm just trying to convince myself of that….

Really though Diary, what choice do I have? I'm the only one left after all…. And if this really _is_ the last thing that I do, then I want to succeed… I HAVE to! Not _only_ for Suo, for his sacrifices….but for our parents too…. I…. I want them all to be proud of me. I want the Tojyo name to _mean_ something again! And though I may not be around to actually _see_ any of that happen, I want our family to be remembered….especially since it seems like I really _will_ be the last; the end of our line….if you want to get technical about it anyway….

Still…. despite all of this talk, this "tough-girl" attitude that I find myself clinging to, I also know that I don't have a lot of time left to _guarantee_ any of that, Diary….. There's only….what….a week and 6 days left! That's all? Oh God! No! Is that _really_ long enough! Ok…. Ok….. Stop that, Hisae…. Breathe….. I have _got_ to stop stressing! I mean, I _am_ doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing; everything that's humanly possible…. Aren't I? Practicing, training, pushing myself above and beyond… Those efforts _should_ pay off in the long run….right? That's what I want to believe anyway…. Yeah… I just need to have _faith_ in that! But then again, I know that it isn't _completely_ up to me. I mean no matter how you look at it, I guess I _really_ have no other alternative but to rely on Mr. Tsuzuki, don't I, Diary? Hmm…. Mr. Tsuzuki, huh…..?

So yeah, this restless feeling that I'm having…. (Sorry Diary, it seems that I've gotten off topic, yet _again_!) Well, I suppose a _part_ of it has to do with the exercise; the pumping adrenaline and all….. But aside from that, I'm feeling a bit…..pensive, for lack of a better word; a little uneasy even…. For I've just had _another_ unexpected encounter with Mr. Tsuzuki, Diary; (Yeah! Just now; before I sat down to write this!) one which led to a rather awkward discussion….

Please, _believe_ me when I say that I did NOT plan for that to happen, Diary! Really! I mean I was surprised that he was even still awake! Not only that, I was shocked to see that he was….taking care of a few things when found him….. At this _insane_ hour… I still can't get over it…. But then, it's not like I can say _too_ much about the time myself, being the night owl that _I_ am! Even so, I really didn't expect that he'd be- Because I- Well, I suppose that I'm getting ahead of myself again too….. I did promise to finish telling you about everything that happened this afternoon, didn't I, Diary? Ok then. Let's see if I can summarize it for you; get you back up to speed and all…

Heh… So as I mentioned in my last entry, I…. _gently_ persuaded Mr. Tsuzuki to partner with me in the competition. It's true that he showed some _slight_ hesitation at first, (stuttering _pathetic_ excuses that he was just "passing through," sweating uncomfortably while loosening his tie; all which ended with him giving me that strained, nervous chuckling… Oo If that wasn't enough, for a minute there I thought he was actually going to _cry_ about it, Diary!) but as I mentioned before, I think that I got him to come around to my way of thinking in the end…. :P

Still, given the fact that Mr. Tsuzuki looked as if he really _was_ going to start hyperventilating or something, I let him step outside for some fresh air. I don't know… Maybe he just needed a few minutes to process everything that I'd told him. I suppose that's understandable given the abruptness of it all. But even so, I made _sure_ to keep an eye on him from the studio window, _just_ in case he was intending to bolt! Ha! I'm telling you, Diary! He wouldn't have gotten very far if he had! I was _more_ than willing to chase him down, tackle him; even club him if I needed to! How's THAT for a role reversal! And hey! I still had that broom out from my fight with Shiori after all! Luckily, it wasn't necessary for me to do _any_ of those things, Diary…. Hmph! Lucky for _him_ that is!

Anyways, as I continued to watch Mr. Tsuzuki (who was _still_ pouting and pacing around the front of the building after a while he sort of slumped his back against the glass; admitting defeat I'd imagine), I then noticed that a young boy had approached him! It took a moment for me to put 2 and 2 together, Diary, but from what I could tell, this kid had been waiting for him the whole time! Huh…. I haven't a clue why Mr. Tsuzuki neglected to mention him before though! I mean if they were just visiting, why didn't they just come in together? Weird…. Well, in the end, maybe it worked out for the best. ; Yeah…. I'm guessing that I probably would've felt even _worse_ if both Mr. Tsuzuki AND this kid had had to witness my little freak out session… Ugh! I don't even want to think about _that_ again!

Getting back to my story, those two were out there for quite a while actually. They were just standing there, talking….looking so…._serious_…. To tell you the truth, Diary, there was something about those expressions….something that triggered a cold chill in me, though I can't even begin to explain why…. Regardless, I couldn't really make out what they were saying from the inside, but I was able to interpret _some_ of those expressions at least; a bit of their body language too. Maybe Mr. Tsuzuki was breaking the news to this kid that he would be staying a while? Perhaps the boy wasn't taking that well for some reason? I really don't know, Diary….. Oh well… Despite whatever _that_ was about, I noticed then that the atmosphere between them had gradually begun to change, as the kid (who was looking more and more annoyed by the _minute_) started mouthing something to Mr. Tsuzuki with his hands on his hips!

Wow, talk about a complete 180, Diary! I actually got to see a grown man getting _owned_ by a BOY, half his size! Can you believe that! Seriously, that kid couldn't have been older than 16; if THAT even! Well, whatever…. _Apparently_ the age gap doesn't seem to matter as far as those two are considered! Oo Heh, you really should have seen it, Diary! It actually kind of reminded me of those old American movies, those black and white silent comedy reels that Suo used to watch; well, minus the pie throwing or what not….. All I needed then was some upbeat piano music, some subtitles and a bag of popcorn and I would have been set:P

But seriously, Diary, all that aside, I soon found the whole scene (the look of it anyway) to be eerily similar to _my_ little talk with Mr. Tsuzuki….all the way down to those animated responses of his! You know, I can't help but wonder about him…. I mean I _obviously_ don't know Mr. Tsuzuki yet, so I can't be sure, but as near as I can figure he most DEFINITELY seems to be the type that's easily manipulated… He's quite the pushover even! It's almost like he's got a big neon sign on his back that says, "Bully Me!" or "Harass Me!" Hmm… Do you think that everyone Mr. Tsuzuki meets feels that way, Diary? It's a pretty rare quality in a man _these_ days (though just between you and me, Diary, I actually find it rather….refreshing in a goofy sort of way) but I can't help but think that an attitude like that will get him into trouble someday…. It's just a _feeling_, really….

Well, in regards to that kid at least, it's a good thing that Mr. Tsuzuki wasn't wearing an ACTUAL sign; one saying "Kick Me," or something! ; I got the _distinct_ impression that his little friend would have SURELY taken advantage of it if he had! But yeah, sorry about that Diary, I think that I'm just amusing myself now. :P

It was around that time that I caught sight of Will, who was wobbling (and sniffing?) down the sidewalk! Phew…. How relieved I was, Diary! I mean I know that Will likes to come and go as he pleases (and I'm not usually _too_ concerned about that, given that he always seems to find his way home and all) but it had been _days_ since I'd last seen him! I….guess I was starting to get a little scared…..that maybe something had happened to him too, you know? But what can I do…? Even when I try to keep him inside, (for his own safety and all) I get yet _another_ reminder of how well, _willful_ he is, no pun intended. ; And for such an old dog too….!

I don't know Diary…. Maybe Suo really was the only one who could figure out what makes Will tick, but me? Yeah…. My comprehension of his inner workings is sketchy at best! I AM pretty sure that Will _hates_ being confined! And no matter what I do, or where I put him, he always _always_ seems to find a way to run off! The little escape artist…. But then, he _has_ been that way for as long as I can remember…. Go figure…..

Anyway, maybe I _am_ worrying over nothing (other than dancing, it's what I do best after all…) but given what happened to Suo…..that speeding car…. I just….don't think that I could handle it if I lost Will too….. Don't worry though, Diary. I'm trying my best not to think about it TOO much. I mean it's not like I don't have a million _other_ things occupying my mind right now, you know?

As I was saying, when I had rushed out to meet Will, I was a bit taken a back to see how forward he was with Mr. Tsuzuki _too_ Diary! (Is he starting to take after me now!) I mean Will practically POUNCED on him without any warning! Heh, for like the umpteenth time, Mr. Tsuzuki totally spazzed out over it too! Really, it's like it's his instinctive reaction to _everything_:P In all fairness though, I'm guessing that he thought that Will was going to attack him or something, but instead….the most amazing thing happened! He greeted Mr. Tsuzuki with such enthusiasm and affection, as if he'd known him for years! God! It was so much like…..when he would rush to meet Suo when he came home…..

It's strange….but I guess it's a good thing for Will to show interest in _someone_ again. I mean I really do think that he misses Suo as much as I do, so….. Still, I can't help but wonder what makes Mr. Tsuzuki so different…. When I mentioned this to him and the boy, I listened as they came up with their own speculations about it; though to be honest, I didn't really get what the kid meant when he said something about Mr. Tsuzuki's "age" being a factor. Huh…. Well, anyway, I'm just going to take it as a good omen and leave it that I guess…. I mean if Will likes him that much, maybe that means that Mr. Tsuzuki _won't_ let me down….?

So yeah, moving right along (Er…. Am I starting to ramble now? What am I, stalling! Ugh, I'll have to ponder that later I guess…. ) it was then that I finally got around to approaching Mr. Tsuzuki's companion, despite the fact that I was almost distracted by his now evident and automatic _panic_ over not introducing us himself:P But you know, I think I was a little hesitant (even a bit wary) to do so anyway; maybe because of how….temperamental he looked when they were talking alone? Regardless of those reservations, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how respectful and mannerly he was towards me! With a slight bow, he told me that he was Mr. Tsuzuki's little brother Hisoka and that he had come to take him home.

I felt a little better about talking to him at that point, so I explained what I had in store for his older brother. I also figured that if there were any hard feeling about the situation that maybe it would be a little easier for him to understand if it came from me. Hey, I even offered to let him stay too, if he wanted! I mean it's not like this place is short of room with just me and Will here now…. As a last resort to smooth things over, I told Hisoka that I would take him to the park one of these days too, if he was interested that. Since he did ultimately agree to stay with us, I thought that it might be nice to have the option to go _somewhere_ for fun; to do…..whatever it is that kids do these days to enjoy themselves!

Oh wow….. Listen to me! I sounded like an old lady or something for a minute there! But then, even though I'm technically only about 3 or 4 years older than Mr. Tsuzuki's little brother, I guess I've never _really_ felt my age, you know? Maybe it's because mom and dad died when I was so young and all, and other than relying on Suo of course, I did have to learn to take care of myself; to take at least _some_ of the burden off my brother…..

I guess the bottom line is that I had to grow up fast…. In some ways I feel as if I've lived a long long time, but in others- I don't know, Diary….. Somehow this brings me back to all of those _damned_ medical problems of mine, the CONSTANT reminder of how short life is, or rather _will_ be for ME! Oh no! We can't forget about THAT now, can we! Screw it…. I don't want to talk about it anymore, Diary…..

But ah yes! Instead, this seems like a FINE time to talk about the main event of this after noon's little drama! Oh boy! Can't you just feel the suspense? (In case you're curious, Diary; that would be _sarcasm_ you're hearing….!) Oh, all right then! Just give me a minute here, Diary…. Let me take a deep breath…..

Ok! So when I allowed both Mr. Tsuzuki and Hisoka enough time to get settled in (other than mine, I gave them free reign to choose any room that they wanted) I then asked Mr. Tsuzuki to meet me in the studio so that I could determine what I had to work with. You know, in terms of his abilities, strengths, weaknesses….. In all honesty Diary, I didn't expect much (no one's THAT lucky, least of all me!) so I was prepared for the possibility that I would have to teach him everything from scratch. (Hey, I DID teach that little _ingrate_ Shiori, if you recall!)

But yeah, wow! I have to admit that I was pretty impressed with what Mr. Tsuzuki did know! I mean it was _obvious_ that he'd received the proper instruction at some point or another (when I asked him about it, he told me that it was his sister who had taught him in the past)! He knew how to allow the music to carry him, guide his motions, how to improvise, even the terminology! There was no doubt about it Diary! Mr. Tsuzuki KNEW how to waltz! It's true, that he's a _little_ rough around the edges, (maybe it's been a few years?) but that was more than I could have _dared_ to hope for! You know, I was actually feeling pretty _good_ about our chances of winning that competition (though I'll confess that at that moment my reason for wanting to had more to do with SOCKING it to Shiori than anything else! )! But yeah! I had high hopes! I was optimistic….that is until Mr. Tsuzuki shot _down_ that confidence…! Oh, there it goes….! I'm getting that rhythm again, Diary……! You know, I just wanted to- ARGH!

So here's the thing; (and I even mentioned some of this to you earlier Diary!) according to the sudden EXPERT, though my "technique is flawless," I supposedly "don't share the dance," (Ah! There's that memorable quote again!) and THAT is the reason that we'd have difficulty winning! I mean what the hell?

YEAH! That IS what Mr. Tsuzuki said, Diary! And it wasn't JUST that he had the _audacity_ to say such a thing to ME but he sounded so pompous, so egotistical, so…..SURE! (Looking back at it, it was actually pretty bizarre given the way that he behaved before…. I mean he was just so….._different_!) But get this! If _that_ wasn't enough, he then started talking about teaching _me_, oh no, wait! He said that he COULDN'T teach me that; that it was "impossible!" Ha ha! How classic was _that_ Diary!

If it isn't already "hit-you-in-the face" obvious, I felt myself getting pretty PISSED OFF by then (It was almost like he was provoking me, _baiting_ me….!). But now now, I TRIED to remain calm; to give him a chance to _explain_ himself (after a very LOUD reminder that we were running out of time, that is!) But oh oh! To top it all off, the _final_ straw that triggered "second impact" was his advice that I "dance like I want him!" I mean of course it was! What else could it have been! You remember that _too_, don't you Diary!

Suffice to say, I'd had enough! I just GRABBED the first thing at arms length, (which sadly happened to be yet _another_ one of my plants ) and hurled it at him in a huff! I didn't even care WHERE I'd hit him or even if he was injured because of it! I just….had to get away! And FAST! Before I- Hmph! I don't even know, Diary!

But yeah… I guess that more or less concludes what happened during the day, at least. When it was all over, I pretty much boarded myself up in here (after a rather FORCEFUL slamming of the door, anyway!). Given my mood, I _certainly_ wasn't up for dealing with anything or anyone else (not even who _ever_ it was that tried to call me on the phone, a few minutes later….)! I paced around the room a bit, curled myself up in bed, and just…thought about a lot of things…. When I was calm enough, I then started to write my last entry to you, Diary…. I mean, after all, I thought that if anyone could make me feel better, _you_ could….

I didn't leave the room again, either. Well, not until later in the evening, as you well know…. I just couldn't face him…. I couldn't even LOOK at Mr. Tsuzuki again after that! But then, for all I knew, he and his brother Hisoka might have already taken off; by the time I even got _up_ to my room….! I mean I wouldn't have put it past him!

I found out later that they hadn't left though…. In fact, Mr. Tsuzuki actually tried pleading outside my door, trying to "persuade" me with an offer to sample his "home cooking," one of his supposed "famous recipes…?" Oddly enough, his attempts were QUICKLY shot down by that kid, Hisoka, and I listened briefly as they argued about it outside my door (before I finally buried my head in a pillow anyway)! When that didn't work, Mr. Tsuzuki apparently sent his brother up (about a half an hour or so later…) with some take out or something; food that he left for me on the floor when I wouldn't answer…..

Though I wasn't up for saying it then, I was actually pretty glad that they _hadn't_ taken off, Diary….. I mean I most definitely wasn't thinking about the long term, (the competition and all) when I did storm off, you know? Maybe I did overreact a little….but even so! I think that I had a _pretty_ good reason to get as worked up as I did!

And why, do you ask? Well….aside from the obvious, (and this is for YOUR ears _only_ Diary!) I think the whole thing kind of hit a little too close to home; and that's on MANY levels….. I mean Mr. Tsuzuki even upset me more than Shiori did, and as you saw from earlier, that was pretty intense in and of itself! Hmm…. How do I put this….?

Well, first of all, (and I sure as _hell_ wasn't going to admit this to Mr. Tsuzuki then!) some of what he said _was_ frighteningly similar to what Suo used to say about the way that I dance…. It's something that I could never understand either…. Let's see now…. To break it down for you, I think that Suo was a bit of a romantic when it came to the way he perceived dancing in general, Diary. Even when we would watch others perform, (local competitions, national events, TV….) he would often point out how much "emotion" or "heart" that he could feel when he would study a certain couple's movements. And because of that, he used to tell me that no matter _how_ good I was; that if I couldn't or WOULDN'T try to find that one person that _I_ could really "synchronize" or "connect" with, then I would never _really_ be able to make it as a professional dancer myself!

It was something like that anyway…. I may not have used the exact phrasing or whatever that Suo did, but you get the idea, right? To be completely honest though….. I never really took it too well when Suo used to say that to me either, Diary…. I mean don't get me wrong! I DID value and respect his opinions! Especially given his talent for running this place! He knew absolutely EVERYTHING about the world of dancing! But when it came to _that_ subject, I just used to think that he was being a meddling older brother; giving me grief about not having a boyfriend or something myself, you know? But getting back to Mr. Tsuzuki, I think it was a little hard for me digest that he could see (and say!) that too; and after only one dance…..? What does that mean, Diary….?

Hmm…. I guess that leads me to the second reason that I got upset…. As you know, Diary, I _don't_ have any experience with men…. In my whole life, there just never seemed to be any time for that! I…I mean, I had obligations, after all! I had to think about my family, about Suo, and what _he_ gave up for me! Hey, he didn't have anyone in his life either, Diary! He never will now…. I guess…I just never felt that it was fair for _me_ to find someone when he was so busy trying to make sure that _I_ was taken care of, you know? It was _always_ about me Diary…. God! He was so selfless…..! And that's why I have to do this…. Now it's my turn to think only of _him_….

And yet…. I have to admit (though I never told Suo this) that I've at least _thought_ about it….. What it would be like…having a real relationship, having someone at your side when you wake up in the morning, loving someone…. But then what woman _doesn't_ think about that, Diary? Still…. I think a part of me always felt a little conflicted about it too…. Please don't misunderstand me, Diary! I was _grateful_ to have Suo with me; I can't EVEN begin to tell you! But….he was never able to make that feeling go away…. Sorry, Diary…. That probably doesn't make any sense either; much like most of what I've written….--; But really, in regards to _this_ anyway, how CAN you miss something that you've never had….?

Getting back to my original point though, I think Mr. Tsuzuki just hit a nerve, one that I _evidently_ couldn't handle! I felt that he was _mocking_ me or something…..that or he was just SHOCKINGLY accurate with his assumptions, so much so that it made me both uncomfortable AND angry……! That's all I can really say about it…. Maybe I'll be able to explain it a bit better when I can figure it out myself…..

But anyway….. Yeah… Wow…. I think you're _really_ going to hate me for doing this to you, Diary, but I think I'm going to call it a night for now. I know! I know! I DID say that I was going to tell you about what happened with Mr. Tsuzuki a little while ago, but I just….can't….. It's just _too_ much for me right now, especially after getting so _deep_ with you about everything else! It's VERY late and I'm just….so…tired….. Will you forgive me, old friend?

Ok! How about this? Before I do ANYTHING else tomorrow, I'll start the day off by telling you what happened tonight. I won't leave anything out! And then, if anything _else_ happens that's worth mentioning, I'll fill you in later in the evening, just like I did today…er…yesterday. How does that sound?

Before I go, let me just say….thanks, Diary. I know I always say that when I'm about to finish these entries but really, it means so much to me that I can come to you about anything; that I can trust you with all of these muddled feelings of mine! I know that it can be a lot to deal with…. So yeah…. Thank you my friend. Thank you….

Good night now…. And I'll see you first thing in the morning. I promise…..

Love,  
Hisae Tojyo

3:16 am


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